Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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