why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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