You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
