You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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