I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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