So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
