At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize