You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize