i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dignity is for republicans.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
