apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
