So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
