I wannas sexs uuuuu
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
