We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
