Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
