just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize