I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
