gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
