She's JV to your varsity
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
