that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
