This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
