I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
