i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We named our party play list daddy issues
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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