The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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