I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize