he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just had sex on a roof
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
