Just fell off a train. Bad.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
