Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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