Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
