TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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