So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
