lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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