i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
