At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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