Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize