I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
