Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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