Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize