it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
