Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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