I hate all girls vehemently.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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