Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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