K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
