If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize