i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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