we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
