did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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