Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
