You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
