if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
