please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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