**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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