I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
