She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
