he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
