It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
