That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
