did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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