Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
