Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
