I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
