I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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