I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
