I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
