She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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