the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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