there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
