I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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