I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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