I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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