Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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