i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
