Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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