I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
