I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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