Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
