so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
