Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
