When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
