he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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