I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
