I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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