you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
