He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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