2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize