I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
