I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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