With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
