ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I sprained my soul last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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