I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
