I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Semen is not good for contacts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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