If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
