Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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