last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
