You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The Olympian is in my bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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