the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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