You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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