We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
