He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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