Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
