in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
