id be glad to
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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