Screwed.edu
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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