I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
