I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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