My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
