Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
