who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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