Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize