I murdered the dance floor call the cops
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
