Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
