If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
